While driving back home, I usually take a route which includes driving past a lot of residential areas; so I tend to encounter many pets and strays on the road, sometimes even squirrels and frogs ! But usually, I see them from afar. So I get the time needed to mentally prepare for any sudden movements.
Well getting back to the story, yesterday night I left for home a little later than my usual late timing. On a particular road, I could see two cars heading towards me; that I can handle. It is a two-lane road. But, what I didn’t calculate for was a dog suddenly popping out from the scary amount of shrubbery on the side of the road. So, he was basically 2 inches from the car; and as usual I was driving at 50-60 km/hr. Involuntarily, I braked sharply and swerved to the right, directly in front of the two incoming cars and somehow managed to swerve to the left in some seconds; avoiding the cars altogether; and most importantly avoiding the dog, who when I looked through my rear view mirror later, was happily jogging along the road.
That moment scared me so badly that I spent a good 10 mins driving at 30 km/hr. I know it’s minor compared to other accidents, but so many things raced through my mind later. Maybe it’s a survival instinct; the mind is configured to show us all we could lose, all that could happen, if we went ahead with a scenario that scared us badly, to tell us not to try that again.
A conversation between me and my friends (Thwe and Twinie) during lunch today:
I : You know? The goalkeeper of Egypt, who’s a Muslim, didn’t accept a Man-of-the-Match trophy! Why? because it was sponsored by Budweiser!
Friend : Ehh? Why so?
I : Muslims apparently don’t drink. Is that true ?
Thwe and Twinie (in unison): Yeah, they are not supposed to.
I : But, some drink right, some.
Friend : Yeah, maybe some drink, but he must be strictly following the rules.
I : But, in this age, you can’t say I am from this religion and not do a certain thing, right?
Friend : Hmm..
After maybe an hour, I realized I too am surely saying No to certain things, just because I think a Christian or more precisely a Catholic, shouldn’t be taking part in such things. Forget religion (though it seems to be one of the biggest segregating category among us), there are so many things we say No to, just because we think being under a certain category of people makes us different.
Like, for example, I cannot do that! I am an Indian (or like we Goans tend to boast – Aami Goenkar, aami kornai he kaam). Or maybe you blame it on your gender. Like I am a guy, I cannot do that !?
So easy to judge people just because they are different than us. But, when it comes to us, we too follow the same values that we despise in others.
One of the common tunes/songs played during a funeral is ‘Lord, I’m coming home’, and it never fails to slightly choke me.
“I’ve wandered far away from God
Now I’m coming home
The paths of sin too long I’ve trod
Lord, I’m coming home
Coming home, coming home
Nevermore to roam
Open wide Thine arms of love
Lord, I’m coming home”
Maybe I have a memory attached to it, or it could just be the meaning of the hymn.
My mom’s home now.
Yeah, the location of my “home” keeps changing according to where I currently am. The quotes – “Home is where Mom is” or “Home is where the wifi connects automatically” don’t apply to me. 😀
And as moms usually are, she is busy cleaning, then cooking and then poof! she’s suddenly outside watering the garden, and then poof! she’s cleaning something again.
The sheer amount of stamina Mummy has is commendable (and a little shocking)!
But, she did manage to coax out some flowers in our garden. 😀
Today, my mom and I went to a shop. I sent her ahead so that I could park my scooter. After our purchase, we come out of the shop to see a car parked behind our scooter. 😐
We tried at first to pull the scooter through the space that was available behind it. But, it was a failure. Though I love racing the bike around, I am at a loss while trying to maneuver a stationary scooter. I just lack the upper body strength for it.
So I pulled the scooter ahead and we decided to wait for sometime. And as usual my mom got upset with the waiting and she said let’s try again. After my multiple, “No, mummy it won’t work”, I got the scooter up from the side stand and my mom helped in maneuvering it from behind.
This place where we struggled with our scooter always, I mean day or night always, has some local Goans around. None of them lifted a finger.
To my surprise, a tourist who was sitting on a chair at a coffee place, suddenly appeared next to my mom and started helping us. He helped by lifting the scooter slightly and with the maneuvering.
Yeah, I’m sure our Goan fellows must have been sniggering thinking things like, why ride a scooter if you can’t handle it. I don’t care. I’m concerned about the fact that an outsider, a tourist who is supposed to be lying around chilling during his holiday came to help, while the “Goenkars” were lounging on their plastic chairs.
Btw, the tourist had an amazing mandala tattoo on his hand. I’m sure getting one one day! Just because it really does look good.
I sometimes have these moods; that cast a heavy, dark blanket all over me, which makes me numb to the outside world. I still don’t really understand it, what triggers it, what could help it, or should I say get rid of it.
When this mood comes over me, I can’t think, I can’t listen, and basically am screaming inside my head the whole time. The worst thing is when a friend asks me what happened and I can’t jokingly say, “mood swings”, because in this mood even trying to smile takes effort.
I usually brave it out, by continuing with my daily work routine and wait for it to lift off on its own. Sometimes a friend or relative helps lift it off which adds a little more happiness.
When your trials are met with complains and comments almost arguing with the need for your tries.
What do I do?
I get tempted to stop. Stop trying again.
But then I realise if I do stop, it will be me who will be at the losing end. I will be the one who will lose trust in my own efforts. That’s exactly the mentality I can’t afford to have; because trying new things is what makes me me. Getting better at something I am interested in, is just a part and parcel of learning new things. Be it languages, cooking, baking, hair styles, art or craft. No one should be able to stop me.
Next time someone complains about something you tried, keep a straight face, smile and joke about your failures along with them. But, go home, learn from your mistakes and try again! 😊
Good night peeps 😴
Today, I started my day with a cold, the continuous-sneezing-blowing-into-a-tissue kind; and spent more time holding my head in pain, than actually doing any productive work at office.
The worst part is that most of my sneezes tend to be internal. So, I hold my nose expecting a huge sneeze and receive in return a numbing pain, causing my eyes to brim with tears.
According to a website:
Internal Sneeze: Nothing actually comes out but only an odd “ump” noise. It’s surprising that the person’s eardrums don’t explode.
I am surprised my eardrums do not explode too. 😀
How would you handle sneezing continuously in a cafeteria during lunch? When standing and leaving is not an option? and obviously going hungry is not an option too.
My usual go-to move is to look away/down and sneeze away, usually crumbling into a mess. 😀
This post goes to those people in my life who are always around; engraved into my daily activities, so much so, that their sudden absence, even for a day (even for an hour) wrecks all my schedules and leaves a small little hole in my imperfect little life.
All I can say is Thank You! 😘 for being there always and I hate you (a teeny bit) for your sudden absences. 😂😅
Are you satisfied with your life?
If given a choice to leave this world behind without any regrets, would you take it?
My friends and I had this discussion today after lunch, and one of them outright said that she had no qualms with welcoming death anytime. Though her reasons were not something that needs to be publicised, her requirements were clear. A happy, painless death. I think I am missing an adjective there. But those were her requirements.
As for me, nope. I am not ready for death. I want a happy death and I hope I get to see a natural one. I have many things to do in this world, many more places to visit. Though I go into those dark moods where I would gladly welcome death, I don’t think we fully understand the depth of being dead. It’s like full stop. Full stop to me, my name, my identity.
Nope, I need to discover more about me myself first. I need an answer to the puzzle that is me before anyone else solves it. I need to see Venice, Amsterdam, the Northen Lights! ❤ Come on, I need to find that one guy who will show me that love is an actual thing and not a fairytale.
You think I don’t settle with what I have? No, I don’t and I won’t. I want more. I didn’t spend years (25 to be precise) climbing mountains to just say I’m done, that I’m satisfied.
And I don’t think my friend is too. 😜