Ramblings: 30/11/2018

My dad who is an experienced driver for atleast 15 years in the U.A.E., gets a little intimidated to drive in the Goa traffic; so the evenings when I am at home and an errand requires going to the market, I become the designated driver by default.

Though that doesn’t stop my Dad from giving instructions almost every 10 minutes of the drive. By the way, I have been driving unchaperoned for atleast 4 years, not that there haven’t been any mishaps.

While coming back home from the market one day; we reached an intersection (T section) at which I had to take a right turn, I stopped to check if any car/bike was coming from the both sides; a girl on a scooter zoomed past straight infront of me (from the right to the left).

Mom: Look at that girl, riding so fast! Girls these days!

Dad: Yeah, look at that!

I (smirking): Hmmm

Dad (complaining to my mom): As if your daughter is any less.

I (laughing out now): Yeah.

Mom (forever defending me): Yeah, I know; but here, if you ride/drive slow or wait for sometime, people start honking and try to overtake you.

I: Why to wait in lines behind that one slow car/bike?

Mom: That’s also true. Only God can protect us, that’s all we can say.

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Young Please!

Does anyone else have the fear of growing old ? Like one day being too old to do certain “young” things.
Yeah, most of us have that type of fear. Not to the extent of it being a phobia but a general fear of growing old (or should I say growing up? BTW check out Gerascophobia).

I have these certain limits that I set for myself; so that at the least in my mind, I feel like I am battling the oncoming “old” me.

  • I stay away from shoulder bags. I detest them, like strongly hate them; First of all, why are they right under our arms? how do you search in them when they are right there in my underarms? how is that in any way comfortable? Secondly, I feel they give the older lady look; but it could just be my mentality.
  • I stay away from any kind of makeup for office. I had to think through typing this out; as nowadays “young” people too put on a lot of makeup. Maybe the reason why I stay away from makeup for office, is because my mom tends to keep saying – ‘you are working now and still walking around without even applying lipstick!!‘.
  • I try to stay fit. I hate being that person who cannot jump, run or walk a certain distance. Psst.. I do all that just so I am not one of those people. I hate that sometimes after a short run, my legs pain or my chest low-key hurts. So, I push myself, I go to the gym, I try to eat when required i.e. when I am actually feeling hungry. From last October, Thwe and I have started going for marathons. Not half or full marathon though; 5km or 10km are more than fine, thank you. That adrenaline coursing through my veins (sounds like a sports ad line) gives me the satisfaction that I am trying to stay fit; or it could just be the endorphins which makes me a teeny bit happy. I just do not want to one day, hold my back and say No, I cannot do this.
  • I like to ride my old, battered scooter fast. I know there is no way that I can defend myself for my speeding, but I just cannot handle riding slow. The only time I ride slow is when I am in deep thought. Maybe it’s all those action movies that I sometimes watch, and how being young is all about being fast.
  • Marriage scares me, more than I like to blurt out. My friends are getting married one by one, and that is like a scare tactic for me. Who said only men get upset when their friends get married? Yes, I am happy for them; but the scariness of it wins by a margin of 0.0000001%. I do not want to be that person who says I do not want to get married one day, but I also love my freedom and being single. FYI, I am the girl who has never been in a relationship here. So, you can guess how much being in one would scare me. Yeah, I also have my dreamy moments. But, getting married would be a threshold of growing up, that can never be crossed out at a later date. See how I said girl? instead of lady or woman or female or mademoiselle? Striving hard to stay “young”!
  • Oh! and I am on a mission to get as many tattoos as possible (one per year). (piercings on my ear too maybe).

That is all I could think about for the post right now, but I am sure I have 10 more small little things that I do/ do not to make myself satisfied in staying young.

I know my ways are a little neurotic than usual, but what do you try to stay young? to hold onto your younger self?

Ramblings: 21/09/2018

The following is a write up I read a lot in blogs, quotes and images on social media :
“The Japanese say you have three faces.
The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family.
The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.”

I agree with the above saying.

But, what about the faces that appear depending on our current state of mood.

Like for example, if I am sad I will obviously act totally different to a situation than if I was happy or in a normal mood.

Friends might be talking about a topic that would usually amuse me and have me exchanging comments; but in a bad mood I just sit cold there, occasionally looking up when a comment strikes a nerve.

It is like within the above faces mentioned by the Japanese saying, there are different personalities too, depending on mood and situation.

Just an observation. 🤷‍♀️

Ramblings: (13/07/2018)

While driving back home, I usually take a route which includes driving past a lot of residential areas; so I tend to encounter many pets and strays on the road, sometimes even squirrels and frogs ! But usually, I see them from afar. So I get the time needed to mentally prepare for any sudden movements.

Well getting back to the story, yesterday night I left for home a little later than my usual late timing. On a particular road, I could see two cars heading towards me; that I can handle. It is a two-lane road. But, what I didn’t calculate for was a dog suddenly popping out from the scary amount of shrubbery on the side of the road. So, he was basically 2 inches from the car; and as usual I was driving at 50-60 km/hr. Involuntarily, I braked sharply and swerved to the right, directly in front of the two incoming cars and somehow managed to swerve to the left in some seconds; avoiding the cars altogether; and most importantly avoiding the dog, who when I looked through my rear view mirror later, was happily jogging along the road.

That moment scared me so badly that I spent a good 10 mins driving at 30 km/hr. I know it’s minor compared to other accidents, but so many things raced through my mind later. Maybe it’s a survival instinct; the mind is configured to show us all we could lose, all that could happen, if we went ahead with a scenario that scared us badly, to tell us not to try that again.

Ramblings: 20/06/2018

A conversation between me and my friends (Thwe and Twinie) during lunch today:

I : You know? The goalkeeper of Egypt, who’s a Muslim, didn’t accept a Man-of-the-Match trophy! Why? because it was sponsored by Budweiser!
Friend : Ehh? Why so?
I :  Muslims apparently don’t drink. Is that true ?
Thwe and Twinie (in unison): Yeah, they are not supposed to.
I : But, some drink right, some.
Friend : Yeah, maybe some drink, but he must be strictly following the rules.
I : But, in this age, you can’t say I am from this religion and not do a certain thing, right?
Friend : Hmm..

After maybe an hour, I realized I too am surely saying No to certain things, just because I think a Christian or more precisely a Catholic, shouldn’t be taking part in such things. Forget religion (though it seems to be one of the biggest segregating category among us), there are so many things we say No to, just because we think being under a certain category of people makes us different.
Like, for example, I cannot do that! I am an Indian (or like we Goans tend to boast – Aami Goenkar, aami kornai he kaam). Or maybe you blame it on your gender. Like I am a guy, I cannot do that !?

So easy to judge people just because they are different than us. But, when it comes to us, we too follow the same values that we despise in others.

Ramblings: (13/05/2018)

One of the common tunes/songs played during a funeral is ‘Lord, I’m coming home’, and it never fails to slightly choke me. 

“I’ve wandered far away from God
Now I’m coming home
The paths of sin too long I’ve trod
Lord, I’m coming home

Coming home, coming home
Nevermore to roam
Open wide Thine arms of love
Lord, I’m coming home”

Maybe I have a memory attached to it, or it could just be the meaning of the hymn.

Ramblings: 2/5/2018

My mom’s home now.

Yeah, the location of my “home” keeps changing according to where I currently am. The quotes – “Home is where Mom is” or “Home is where the wifi connects automatically” don’t apply to me. 😀

And as moms usually are, she is busy cleaning, then cooking and then poof! she’s suddenly outside watering the garden, and then poof! she’s cleaning something again.

The sheer amount of stamina Mummy has is commendable (and a little shocking)!

But, she did manage to coax out some flowers in our garden. 😀

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Ramblings: 8/4/2018

Today, my mom and I went to a shop. I sent her ahead so that I could park my scooter. After our purchase, we come out of the shop to see a car parked behind our scooter. 😐 

We tried at first to pull the scooter through the space that was available behind it. But, it was a failure. Though I love racing the bike around, I am at a loss while trying to maneuver a stationary scooter. I just lack the upper body strength for it.

So I pulled the scooter ahead and we decided to wait for sometime. And as usual my mom got upset with the waiting and she said let’s try again. After my multiple, “No, mummy it won’t work”, I got the scooter up from the side stand and my mom helped in maneuvering it from behind.

This place where we struggled with our scooter always, I mean day or night always, has some local Goans around. None of them lifted a finger. 

To my surprise, a tourist who was sitting on a chair at a coffee place, suddenly appeared next to my mom and started helping us. He helped by lifting the scooter slightly and with the maneuvering.

A tourist!

Yeah, I’m sure our Goan fellows must have been sniggering thinking things like, why ride a scooter if you can’t handle it. I don’t care. I’m concerned about the fact that an outsider, a tourist who is supposed to be lying around chilling during his holiday came to help, while the “Goenkars” were lounging on their plastic chairs.

Btw, the tourist had an amazing mandala tattoo on his hand. I’m sure getting one one day! Just because it really does look good. 

Ramblings: (23/03/2018)

I sometimes have these moods; that cast a heavy, dark blanket all over me, which makes me numb to the outside world. I still don’t really understand it, what triggers it, what could help it, or should I say get rid of it. 

When this mood comes over me, I can’t think, I can’t listen, and basically am screaming inside my head the whole time. The worst thing is when a friend asks me what happened and I can’t jokingly say, “mood swings”, because in this mood even trying to smile takes effort.

I usually brave it out, by continuing with my daily work routine and wait for it to lift off on its own. Sometimes a friend or relative helps lift it off which adds a little more happiness.

Ramblings: (17/03/2018)

When your trials are met with complains and comments almost arguing with the need for your tries.

What do I do?

I get tempted to stop. Stop trying again. 

But then I realise if I do stop, it will be me who will be at the losing end. I will be the one who will lose trust in my own efforts. That’s exactly the mentality I can’t afford to have; because trying new things is what makes me me. Getting better at something I am interested in, is just a part and parcel of learning new things. Be it languages, cooking, baking, hair styles, art or craft. No one should be able to stop me.

Next time someone complains about something you tried, keep a straight face, smile and joke about your failures along with them. But, go home, learn from your mistakes and try again! 😊

Good night peeps 😴