Posted in Ramblings

Ramblings: (21/04/17)

Those mornings when I wake up and a random song starts playing my mind, and it manages to be the only song I hum all day long; only song I listen to all day. Those are my best days. You can say or do anything to me. I will reply or ignore you while humming my song. 😉
Today I woke up with “Baby, you’re all that I want, when you’re lying here in my arms. Can’t find it hard to believe we are in heaven!”. Yeah, yeah I messed up the lyrics. I do that, put in my own words, not caring if they make sense or not. 😁😅
I’ll be singing on the stairs up, the stairs down, while having lunch, while coding, basically everytime, anywhere. 😁
So, today is dedicated to Bryan Adams – Heaven and the Cascada cover.

Posted in Pining for Answers

Sin?

Thursday, 13th April 2017
It’s the Holy Week and as usual on it’s Wednesday, my cousin/aunt and I hurry for confession. A ritual(?) that we follow in which we tell our sins to a priest who in turn forgives us. Almost like wiping the slate clean (at least the part that we had the guts to confess). That’s what I like to think happens – the partially clean slate.

The bigger question – what is a sin?
My description of sin would be – Anything that hurts someone mentally or physically. It includes all the “bad” feelings like jealousy and anger. I usually use the 10 Commandments as a template when I explain to friends who ask what a sin would incorporate.
I guess I should maybe add myself to the list of people I hurt because of the whole “Your body is a temple of God” line in the bible. Some might find drinking (alcohol) a sin, some might find getting tattooed a sin. But in my eyes, it’s not a sin. Abusing alcohol to such a rate that you increase the possibility of killing yourself, is a whole different story. My friend lightly argued one fine day that I had sinned when I tattooed my hand. That tattoos and piercings are sins. But, I had an argument ready, my own parents had pierced my ears when I was just a baby. So, if I was already a sinner, maybe I can continue being one.
Who is to be blamed for that particular sin?
Mummy/Daddy or me?

Posted in Memories

Saying NO!

Event in office.
A lady from the HR tells me to help with a counter, I say, “Okay”.
She tells me to help with the coupon counter too, “Okay”
She later tells me to help in distribution of sweets, “Okay”
A colleague at the same time says, “Please help with photographs”. As usual I say “Okay”.

An onlooking acquaintance remarks, “Carol, Learn to say NO!”.

Gonna be three years now, guess I haven’t learned my lesson yet.

Posted in Ramblings

Ramblings: 5/4/17

That moment when you want to just pull someone’s hair screaming
stop being so smug! stop acting like you know me! you only know me coz I made the mistake of trusting you! stop acting friendly with all the beautiful thoughts in your presumptuous mind
but all you actually do is look away and concentrate on something else.

Why waste energy on someone who clearly doesn’t care.

Sometimes the people you trust hurt you the most. Those that you expect will always be there are the first ones to betray and run away.

I know I promised happy posts but, life is not all happy. 🙂

Posted in Assorted

Just for reads – 1

“I am driving back home via a dark road. There’s an old lady standing ahead at the side of the road. She’s dusting all cars that pass with some sort of ash or maybe sand. I don’t want that on my car. So, I stop next to her and say, Don’t do that! Don’t throw that on my car!
Looking at her face, I can make out she’s angry. Very angry. I decide to ignore her anger and continue driving to my home, which is just around the corner.
I look through the rear view mirror and I see the old lady still glaring at me. I get scared now, and somehow manage to mix up my gears. And the car splutters to a stop. I look back and see her start running toward the car, and the way she does that seems to be with her both arms and legs. I start fiddling with my gears, trying to put it in first gear. I get the car started and move ahead fast, with the lady still following. I turn the corner and head towards my home. I park the car, look behind and notice in relief that the lady isn’t anywhere in sight.
I enter my home, say hi to mom, and lie down on the sofa. That was a heck of a day!
Ting-Tong goes the bell!
I hear mom go to the door to open it and talking sweetly to someone. The next moment she comes into the hall. She says, Carol see who’s come. This lady was asking for you. You know her?
In shock I get up to see the old lady standing behind mom. The minute I see her, she gives me a wicked smile and then vanishes into thin air!”
That’s the moment I wake up from my sleep with a start, sweating and shivering badly. The more I think about it, the more worse the nightmare gets. Like instead of running behind my car, the old lady jumps on my car in one long jump, then jumps ahead of my car and then vanishes. Like she knows exactly what I would be scared of.
I look at the time. 11:30pm. Whole night to go and I caught an early show of my scariest nightmare. Tsk-Tsk.

Posted in Assorted

Dreaming away

Waking up in the morning (or rather getting shocked into reality by the irritating alarm), just counting the hours till I can sleep again. It’s like I am hoping that the hours and the day’s activities just completely get skipped or fast forward till I can go back to sleep.
I know, I know, I sound like the laziest person around. Yeah, I am. It’s so easy to just forget everything while sleeping. Forget confrontations, problems,  bank work 😣. Why go through all that when I can just be lying on my bed, dreaming up a nice life for me.
Dreams are necessary too, right?

Posted in Memories

Tattoo Dreams

I recieved a complaint from a friend that I rarely post anything but sad posts. So, from today onward I will try to post happy thoughts and hopefully spread happy vibes. 😀
So, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts….

Had a nice time (ahem happy time) talking to the friend about tattoo ideas. And being
a person who makes instant decisions, she promptly fell in love with one particular design and decided to have it tattooed as soon as possible. That sort of instant decision making is something I want to strive for! I had decided the design I wanted tattooed on my hand a year back. As the months went by, I changed the location of the to-be-tattoo design from  my left hand wrist -> my right hand thumb-> right hand forearm -> right hand inner elbow -> left hand inner elbow.

I went to the tattoo parlor along with a cousin, the design saved in my cell and the location decided – left hand inner elbow, coz apparently, the left hand blood vessels are connected directly to the heart, so has a higher significance and blah, blah, blah. I told the tattoo artist what and where I wanted the tattoo. The guy basically said No to my idea. As I wanted the word to be tattooed facing me, Come On! I want to read it! What in hell would be the reason to get tattooed if others can read it and I’m stuck staring at the upside down version of it?

We then showed him images online, which had the same tattoo but at the wrist. so, after all the changes in location, I got the tattoo done on the same location I had decided a year back! 😀 Fun to be ME! 😀

My tattoo pic:

2017-03-17-12.37.43.jpg.jpeg

Yes, that’s my hand, my left wrist to be precise.

Why the ‘Believe’ you would ask?

Well, I have many things I need to believe in. Firstly, Believe in myself. Believe in tomorrow. Believe in many more things.
Cya.
Have a great Friday. 🙂

Posted in Assorted

Smiles

This is a fairly unnecessary topic, but I felt I should just comment on it a bit. You know the first time you meet a person, a stranger who you have no idea likes or dislikes what you have to offer. But, the first smile shared between two individuals brings to peace all the internal turmoil. Everything will be just fine.
A smile is the beginning and continuation of the most beautiful things. It could be friendships, love, or just a passing smile from a stranger which could brighten your day a little more.
A smile signifies that a friend isn’t angry anymore. That mom and dad are happy to see you bumbling around the house. While a sibling is discussing a mutual interest. A smile could trigger so many feelings inside.
Just a beautiful smile. 🙂
Keep smiling always!

Posted in Ramblings

Ramblings: 1/3/2017

Those outings with friends who just can’t shut up! They keep cracking jokes, keep commenting on things; so much that even you absorb the happy excited vibe. Like one atom is in excited state and it brings all its neighboring atoms to more or less the same state. That’s what happens. And in that state, you have no reason to look at your cell. Other than wonder, “Did I tell mom I would be out for dinner?”. Sometimes look around in horror if there are any relatives or neighbors around who would spread gossip in 2 secs like, “You know whose daughter I saw in that restaurant at this time, with 2 open beer bottles in front of her?” 😱😱 who really cares who was actually drinking the beer.
P.s. I completed 8k steps yesterday!! Woohoo! Didn’t really think it was possible. I thank my parents for teaching me how to walk, Twinie for our daily walks (where we sweat and curse in the sun), Da Tita’s and the almost-no walk on the beach. I’m so proud of myself 😂😜
Happy Ash Wednesday! 🙂
It’s March already! 😦

Posted in Ramblings

Rambling: 24/02/2017

Earlier this did not bother me much. Maybe I was just amazing at ignoring it, but these few months it’s getting on my nerves. Maybe earlier it happened rarely.  That a person sitting right next to me, with full knowledge that I am there besides them. Just me. But they are glued to their phones.

One such incident was when I wanted to order a take away at KFC. The friend who was with me said he would also accompany me. Then he added that we could have starters to pass the time. Who am I to say no to KFC? So I order my take out plus some snacks. So we are sitting at the table, we start talking and then in the middle of my question, he looks at his cell and boom he’s gone. He’s lost in his cell. My usual reaction is the bury myself too into my cell. But alas, my dumb cell’s battery is dead. The order is ready so I go to pick it up. I come back with the order and he’s still stuck in his cell. My reaction? “Come on let’s go. You can eat this at home right. Let’s leave.” The guy says, “You’re in a hurry?”.

I am fascinated by phones too! I really love those people who keep their phones away when they know someone is around. Yes, there are such people. They exist and I love them to bits. Atleast have the courtesy to say, “sorry but so and so is asking about something”. “Excuse me”. Or maybe “give me a minute”. Nope some people just dive into their cell and disappear. I wonder if they would realise if I just stood up and walked away.
End of rant ☺